Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
