I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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