the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
