what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
