oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
