I just threw up on my dentist
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
