I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
These tits shall not be calmed
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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