Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
