My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
