Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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