all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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