is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
