I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I intend to get homeless drunk
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
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