he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
