I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
