one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My penis needs a shock collar
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
