I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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