its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I deserve this hangover.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
