I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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