My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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