i barfeds in our rink
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
