Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
