I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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