i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
