we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
