i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
