Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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