**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I hate all girls vehemently.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
