I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
