Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
