I cannot find my penis.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
