You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize