i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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