i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
