FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
