this beer tastes like vomit already
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
