Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
