She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
