Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
