I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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