we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
