I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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