i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
