he was CRYING into my vagina
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
