toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
