I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
