i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
