dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
