You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
