After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
