I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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