I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
