When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
