I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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