I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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