I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
