just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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