im six kinds of drunk right now
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
