he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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