and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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