I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
