i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
