Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
