Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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