youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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