; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
