I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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