I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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