Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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