I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
