Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
