I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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