So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
