How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We got so high we made milksteak
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
