May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
