Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
