Christians are straight up FREAKS
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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