Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize