Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
