I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
